This is so f***ed up...

There's this girl, right? She pisses me off like hell, but yet, I think she's really cool at the same time. I'm not mentioning names or anything. She's just... ugh. Everytime we talk... rejected. Rejection by people at the moment is what lands me in the f***ing hospital! I know, I'm learning to cope with it, but it still pisses me off. Errrrgh.

I'm ok, though.

I guess you can say that there is some weird shit going on in the world today! With the end of the war in Lebanon, the civil war in Iraq, the terrorists trying to unleash these weird explosive chemicals on the planes... WTF. This is f***ing STUPID. I hope the terrorists kill themselves... without killing other people, ofcourse.

It seems as though the middle east is just going down a hole. Hamas, Hezbollah, Iraq, Al Quaeda... WTF mate. It also seems as though our idiot of a president (no offense to people who like him) is forgetting that Hamas + Hezbollah =/= Al Quaeda. It looks like the only times we notice how Al Quaeda is going until the events happen, such as a few days ago when the terrorists decided that they were gonna take explosives on 10 different planes that would set off in LA and NYC. Thank God for the UK, though. If they hadn't caught them, then the US would be exploding by now. Jeeze... this is f***ed up.

On a lighter note...

Emotion, devotion,
to causing a commotion,
creation, vacation...
mucho masturbation

Currently Listening Voodoo Child: The Jimi Hendrix Collection By Jimi Hendrix Purple Haze see related

Automatic writing is fun. It's when you write down words that come up in your head without even thinking of what to say. It's really cool, check it out.

The gorilla ate the pagaen god who got the milk in the slave with Hitler raising his flagpole into the air and everyone is dancing like chickens until the dawn of time passes by into the meadow with lots of butterflies and very many children eating corpses and making cheese omlettes until the break of summer with children of all ages sticking rice up their noses and eating donkeys and orangutangs named Nick and Dan and passing the freaks into the gibberish Christian pagaens who don't believe in horses and omlettes that run into the creek pot asshole who dies of monkey slamming bodies down to the George W. Bush.

How awesome was that? It's like hearing an oriental version of Purple Haze, which I actually heard yesterday. It was really good, too.

God, I am so fat. I hate it. I thankfully lost 6 lbs though. Yay! Down to 109!

So, TP ended on thursday. I was upset, because one of the counselors didn't really want anything to do with me, when I found this counselor to be really cool. I don't get it. Could it be because she's scared of me because I told her my secret? I don't know. All I know is that I feel, well, rejected and abandoned.

On thursday, we saw the vocal solo performance and everything. It was good. And, we got to see an "airband" with Jordan as the lead singer, Tim as the pianist, Hilary as the guitarist, and so much more. Jesse was playing "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey up in the booth. I fricken LOVE that song.

So, in the middle of the show while we were all in the room, I BROKE DOWN. I was like "I DON'T WANNA LEAVE, I DON'T WANNA LEAVE!" I was bawling my ass off, man. It was insane. A bunch of my friends were surrounding me and hugging me while I was on that little "stage" in the classroom.

And then when we were doing the vocal majors performance, we all messed up on the movements of "You Raise Me Up." It was really weird. And, ofcourse, I suffered from a panic attack afterwards, which was really fun because I was extremely euphoric at the time. Then, for the vocal ensemble, it was really cool. Me and Tara were belting our asses off. It was awesome.

And then, while we were in the classroom again, we all made this HUGE circle and Shanice and Kyle were the heads of it, and we were all singing random Rent songs. Seasons of Love, Finale B, One Song Glory, and La Vie Boheme. See? I remembered it. The counselors were driven maaaad by it. Maaaad.

Damn, damn, damn, damn. Why does camp have to be over? I am going to Master's on monday, but that'll NEVER be the same. Oh well.

I am an anorexic bitch. Literally. I haven't been eating because I'm fat, and I want to lose all that weight on my stomach so that I can look good again. I've also been purging.

So what does that mean? The fricken NUTTERHOUSE, that's right. I dunno when, or even if I'm going, but it looks like I might have to. I HATE THE PSYCH WARD AND I HOPE IT DIES!!!

God this is so effed up... I'm not gonna swear, because I could get in trouble with xanga, but still. This is so stupid. Why did I have to tell that I'm having these problems? I won't die, because I love Tomato Patch too much, but still... I might have to go back, and maybe even be institutionalized AKA PUT INTO THE FRICKEN LODGE!

The people I told were really nice, though, and I don't want to have to be drawn away from them, but that might have to happen. This sucks.

I'm in Illinois right now. It's boring.

I'm going to be here for the next week or so, so no camp. Just me, myself, and my b00bs. I like b00bs quite a lot. Mmm...

Haha, I'm such a lesbian. Hit at me later, fools. Goodbye.